DEAL BREAKERS

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalms 37:4)

I was watching a television program and they were talking about the reasons some people have had difficulty connecting with someone of significance.  I thought it was so interesting because some of the reasons are things that I have heard many people fall right in line with. 

There are a lot of people that have long list of criteria that a man must meet before we are willing to even have a conversation with him.  Some of which are absolutely ridiculous.  I too, have been guilty of making such grandeur criteria that realistically cannot be obtained or measured up to.  Unfortunately, women live for years expecting God to give them something that their flesh desires and not really what their heart is longing for.

I find that there is a vast difference between what our flesh wants and what our heart desires.  The word desire means to wish or long for; crave; want. In other words there are things in our heart that our flesh could never satisfy.  Even if we got the fulfillment of that list we've created in our minds, most of it is not our heart, but more our fleshly desires.  I have had what my flesh wanted and it was not the will of God for my life.  I wasted time and my anointing trying to pour into someone who could never be who God purposed for me.  Our heart longs for what God wants for us, his passion, his fulfillment, his purpose.  Our flesh desires our passions, our purpose and our fulfillment.  When we delight ourselves in him and he begins to produce the manifestation of our hearts desire, we often reject what God sends to us because our flesh desires do not want what our heart wants. 

Example, have you ever had a friend who wanted a thug over a good decent man?  You wondered why in the world she would choose him and reject a good guy.  She didn't want what was good; she wanted what was appealing to her flesh.  We need to learn how to put away our list and examine ourselves to make sure that we understand ourselves and our real needs, what's really in our hearts.  What do we really want?  What is really going to make us happy?  Our hearts crave to be loved, appreciated, desired, and treated with respect and compassion.  Our hearts desire a man after God's own heart.  Our hearts desire someone who is aligned with the will of God and purpose of God.  We do not have the wisdom, unfortunately, many times to know that what we want is who God has sent because it failed somewhere in our list of long criteria or our "deal breakers" we send it back.

As I watched the television and listened to the ladies talk about how their men had to make over $100,000 be between 5'10" - 6'2" and weigh between 180-220 lbs, etc.  I said to myself we really do this.  We make it almost impossible for the Lord to bless us because we are foolish in our expectations.  It's as if we somehow come to a place where we think God is sugar Daddy and he's supposed to do tricks for us.  We've got too many dealbreakers and we have got to become open to what's really in our hearts and not in our flesh.  I'm not saying that reasonable expectations should be taken off the table, but unrealistic expectations should definitely be removed from this list of dealbreakers.

People have been coming your way, but you have rejected all potential suitors because they do not measure up to your expectations.  Perhaps your expectations are the problem and not the suitor.  Okay, you all are probably really mad at me now. But I just have to tell you the truth as the Lord gives it to me.

Delight yourself in him and when he sends you the desires of your heart, do not reject what he sends.  At the very least, ask the Lord is this my Boaz? Don’t let your dealbreakers keep you from walking into your blessing!

ASSIGNMENT OR SUITOR?

At some point, you will need to affirm why a particular relationship has formed.  For some of us who are in ministry, even can be confused at whether we have been sought after because it is a divine connection or something different.  My spiritual father some years back said something to me that I will never forget and at the time he was teaching me as a younger minister.  He was unmarried at the time and often was faced with many women within the church pursuing him.  But he realized something as God had pointed out to him.  "The anointing is meant to draw".  He would say so often, it's not me, it's the anointing.  He would say, I'm not a handsome man, don't have any money, so I can only draw one conclusion, that it is the God in me that they seek after.  The scripture confirms that very point as well. 

Jesus said if I be lifted up in the earth, I will draw all men unto me (Jn 12:32).  Being one who pursues God relentlessly in worship will have a two-fold affect.  It will not only draw God closer to you, but it will draw men closer to you.  They will pursue after the thing that they see in you that calls you to their attention.  The God in you is so prevalent that they come after it.  God has designed it so that men are indeed drawn to him.  They can only be drawn to him through us.  We are the vehicle that he uses to do the drawing.  I think, perhaps, sometimes we do forget that we are that vehicle.  Often at times, we will neglect to examine what's really going on within a specific relationship or connection.  Even sometimes our own selfishness or desires can create circumstances and complicate things so that the witness that we could have had and shared is ruined because of our own desires to satisfy ourselves.

Truthfully, I cannot say that I haven't been there and that I've learned all that I need to on the subject.  We are certainly a work in progress, but God is faithful.  So I exhort you to step back and not go blindly into anything and consult the Lord before forming relationships with people.  Don't assume anything, because our flesh teaches us to be governed by it, but our spirit is who should be at command.

YOU CAN SEE IT

I know that it's been a while since I've posted, my computer just failed me!  There has been much going on in my life, but my status remains the same....I am still one of the single ladies!!  Amen and I'm not mad at God about either.  He's been taking care of me ladies.

I want to see how everyone has been doing on their journey to look better and feel better about themselves.  After all, a confident woman draws people to her and not away.  Confidence comes from within; it is not something that we can put on like a dress.  It doesn't matter how much make up, new clothes, and attitude you have, it will still be evident to everyone that you are not walking with that certain swagger.

I personally have shed 36 pounds since our last conversation and I am feeling and looking like the daughter God purposed me to be.  That journey continues for me.  How about you?  Did you make some lifestyle changes?  We'll get back to that.

Let me share with you today something I've been learning on this single's journey:  You can always see where someone's heart is in the evidence that they show you.  You just have to be willing to accept that what you are seeing is exactly what is being said.  Let me clarify.  We like to think that everything is cut and dry by what someone tells us, but their actions and behavior do not line up with what they are saying.  If someone is constantly telling they care about you, like you, and want to be with you, but never makes an effort to include you in their time schedule, then you can believe what you hear.  Do you hear me?  There's no other way to gauge that.  People make time for the things that are important to them.  Selfish people only make time for themselves and always have excuses why they cannot make time for you.  Their priority is what they want, what they need, and what they want to do.  There's no other way to get around the reality of that.

I can try to sugar coat it and give you a ton of scriptures on love being patient, being longsuffering, etc.  Honestly, this particularly wisdom is unrelated to patience, its a matter of weighing what you are discerning and actually seeing with your own eyes.  Love does not treat you with distain and clearly being neglected is something that we do not deserve.  We are so much more than that.  You do not need to hold onto things and people that don't appreciate the gift that you are.  The awesome jewel that you are deserves someone to walk with you who will celebrate your magnificence. 

You are a daughter of royal descent.  You should be arrayed in fine apparel and garments.  You should have rings put upon your fingers.  You should be adored and loved because you are quality and a rare commodity.  You are a virtuous find.  Anyone who doesn't know that, will not appreciate that, and will not celebrate that is not worth the time it takes you to put on your stilettos.

Now walk like the daughter of a king and watch how God will begin to send the right kind of man your way.  Now back to the other subject just briefly, because I want to hear from some of you regarding an blog I did a couple of months ago.  I gave you some information on how to look and feel better, get into better shape, etc.  I want to hear from some of you if you have taken the plunge into doing anything with that information.  How are you feeling?  Did you make some changes that were helpful in feeling better about yourself?  Email me:  pastorsymintha@breakforthministries.org or post a note.  I want to hear from you.