NO PIGS ALLOWED

                                                           

"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces."Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Matthew 7:6-8 (NIV)

Men are always saying that women don’t know what they want, but the truth is we may sometimes not know exactly what we want, but we do know what we don’t want. That is an absolute fact. If we say we want someone who loves God, we don’t mean that we want someone who believes in God, but someone who has a relationship with God. There is a difference. In this day and age there is a lot of I don't believe in organized religion, I don't go to church, but I believe in God and some parts of the bible. Exclude the parts where I have to live right.  It’s a big red-flag when the first thing a man says when you get on the topic of church background, beliefs, etc. is that he believes in God and that is pretty much the circumference of his position on the matter….umm, most Godly women are going to shut down at that point, smile for the remainder of the conversation and will not be taking any more calls from you. That’s just real right there. But I didn't stop by to talk about that today, I just wanted to put that out there.

Most of us, however, do have this list whether in our heads, in our hearts, or written down on paper that we would like God to hook us up with.  The reality is though that most women of God just really want someone who gets them, will love them, treat them with respect, and take care of them. I don’t doubt that some physical attraction needs to be thrown in there as well; after all, nobody wants to wake up every day to someone who just does not give you goose bumps every time you look at them and makes your heart smile.

Women of God we have been told so often that since our options are fewer that we should take what we can get, but fortunately for us, God never said that. It’s our girlfriends, sisters, kinfolk, etc who are telling us these things. But the Lord said, ask and it SHALL be given unto you and he said SEEK and ye SHALL find, and knock and the door SHALL be opened unto you. Now, what is God talking about here? Let’s go back to verse 6, so we can interpret it correctly. In verse 6, it says, “Do not give dogs what is sacred, do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.  So, to interpret verse 7 we must understand that the Lord is telling us that there is something special about who we are and because of that we have to be careful about our value being compromised.  Don't give what is valuable away to someone who is not worthy of receiving such a gift. The Lord is instructing us not to settle for foolishness or something that is under our value. 

When we settle for things under our value it does not know or understand the value of what it has. So, instead of treating it like a treasure it treats it like something that is valueless. Pigs do not value anything thrown into the pen; they just devour it, lay in it, and trample it. That’s what people do who don’t understand the woman of God you are. They do not have the grace to love and honor you for the treasure that you are. This is why the Lord said, “Do not throw your wonderfulness to something that isn't worthy of who you are”.  So, instead of giving yourself to foolishness, he says to ask, seek, and knock in verse 7.

God wants to give us our hearts desire. If we "would learn to" delight ourselves in him, he will give us the desires of our heart (Ps 37:4). If it was not his desire to give us our heart’s desire, then he would not have told us to ask and he would not have said to delight ourselves in him and he would.  Why would God tell us to ask only to deny us our hearts desire? Matthew 7:8 says “for everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened”.  So, he (God) is not in the business of only blessing a select few. He does not only bless those who sit in the high places. He is not only blessing those who have mega churches and ministries, but he said to everyone who asks receives. I think we can safely say we are included in the everyone. God wants to bless you and give you your wants and desires.

Mark 11:22-24 “Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

 He does not want you to settle for what even the dogs reject. He said, “Whatever” you ask. Not, just cars, houses, clothes, stuff, but whatever you want. He said to ask. You do not have to settle for something or someone less than who God has for you and who your heart desires. He said you can command the mountain to come down and it will. He’s given you authority to speak and declare things in your life. What are you waiting for? If you can believe that all things are possible and you will ask him and believe that you receive it, then you CAN have it. Now, just because it doesn't come the week after next doesn't mean that God didn't hear you or that he’s withholding it from you. It just means that the “whatever” is being processed for his daughter.

Now, the Lord is not in the business of snatching somebody else’ man just to give him to you, but there are some marriages that God didn't put together, so your wait just may be because God is busting up some foolishness that he allowed. To fulfill somebody's purpose and destiny he is closing the door on some relationships that should never have been. He is shutting down some stuff right now and people are just walking away because God didn't ordain some of this stuff. You don’t even understand why you waiting so long, but God is doing something and up to something. God wants to give you the one that your heart is craving for. Someone who is going to love and treat you like the woman of God that you are and do you good all the days of your life.

So many times we cast our pearls before the swine because we feel our choices are limited. But the fact of the matter is there is only one option for you, so the choices’ being limited does not matter. We are not looking for a large playing field we are only looking for the one that is designated just for us. With so many single women available in the church, I feel, it creates more confusion for a man, prolongs his ability to focus his heart and mind on one woman and keeps him single longer. Too many options limit you more than fewer options.   It really shows us early on when a man can’t focus specifically on you and make you a priority then he is not the one for you. That’s what too many choices do. I can safely say that as a single woman having been asked out to dinner on a continuous basis that too many options are far worse than fewer options. The devil will have you dazed and confused and everybody wants to tell a good woman she’s their wife. Saying no thank you has become my mantra, amen. 

What I want you to gain from this post is that God wants to fulfill your heart’s desire. He wants you to have what you want. He does not want you to accept something or someone who does not have the capacity or grace to treat you in the manner that you as a daughter of Zion are entitled to be treated. Nor, do you have to accept someone who clearly does not line up with who you are, where you’re going, and what you represent. It is not the will of God for us to be matched up with someone who does not have the belief system, values, and standard we do. I have been through so much myself that I’m just in a place where I’m happy and satisfied in God just where I am. My worship is fulfilling. May prayer life is fulfilling and because my soul is satisfied I don’t live in lack emotionally. In other words, God is taking care of me emotionally so that I’m not needy and desperate for attention from people. When you can come to that place then you stop making bad choices about who you allow in your space. You then also are able to be less receptive of those who do not add value to you and you become unwilling to compromise who you are.

Adopting a motto of “no pigs allowed” will benefit you greatly in your walk. When you let pigs in your space they have no respect for you or your stuff, they just tear things up.  If you've ever been to a farm and look into a pig pen, I promise you that it is not a pretty sight. It’s not clean, tidy, or a good place. Pigs are omnivores, meaning they will eat anything. If you fall into a pen, a pig doesn't care that you’re pretty, precious, or wonderful. It will tear you to shreds and eat you up. That’s what pigs do. They look harmless and some would say cute. But there’s nothing cute about an omnivore when it’s hungry. It’s going to destroy and eat whatever is in its path. Don’t allow pigs in your space, they don’t respect anyone or anything and don’t have the capacity to give you what you need. A pig is only looking for where it's next meal is coming from and is not bringing anything to the table. A pig is a taker not a giver. It always has its mouth open wanting more. Its glutenous and carrying around a bunch of baggage. A pig is not who you are or what you want.

I'm going to close for now, I could go on talking about a pig, but I believe we have gained some sort of understanding today. God bless you beloveds, I pray you received something that will help you today. Have a blessed rest of the week!

COUNTERFEIT OR NOT?

The closer we get to God the easier becomes to detect a counterfeit. The problem with most of us today is our prayer life is off so our demon detector is not fully engaged. In other words, we hit and miss. We pick up some things but we miss many. We end up being connected to folks that have business being in our space because we have moved away from being in God’s face and settled for being in somebody else face.

We get so caught up in the wrong things. You know, I never did too much dating before I got married way back in the day. In the Pentecostal church they encouraged us to get married. So, at a young age before I fully knew who I was naturally or spiritually I got married. I never dated much in high school either.  Now that I’m a mature woman and find myself single again I’ve learned quite a bit about myself, about dating, and about life. One of the most important things that I’ve learned as a single woman of God is that I have a decision about what I choose to do and with whom I choose to allow into my life.  It is a privilege for them for me to allow them into my space. There is nobody that is wonderful, so fine, and so magnificent that I would be willing to overlook who I am, what God has invested in me, and my purpose so that I can have a fleeting moment of foolishness.

You see, once I got over the initial I can’t believe I’m by myself and then the insecurity of being a middle-aged woman who is single, I began to realize how fearfully and wonderfully the Lord has made me and how valuable I am. When you realize how valuable you are you walk with a different kind of swag and people are drawn not only to your outer beauty but your inner confidence. It’s more than just a state of mind but it’s security in knowing that you got it and you are not looking for someone else to validate that point. You do not need to argue that point because it is evident in who you are and how you carry yourself.

I’ve seen myself be many people in this journey because when we are propelled into a new place you have to eventually find a good spot to land in or we will forever view ourselves as the victim who was hurt by the last guy. Don’t get me wrong we have every right to feel the sting of the last hurt, but we do not need to live in it. It does, however, take time for us to fully recover from the wounds that ripped our hearts into pieces. Do not fool yourself into thinking that you can come out over night. That does not happen, no matter how much you pray. Sometimes, while you’re going through the recovery process you find it difficult to even pray because you cannot seem to understand how God could allow you to go through such hurt and not fore-warn you. So, while we’re going through the recovery we may cry, blame, we may even be numb, resistant, and sometimes pretend like it’s not affecting you at all. But it does affect us. It affects our ability to minister, our anointing, our relationships, and our personalities.

It is because we not take the time to really review what’s in us and allow time to let God heal us until we find ourselves back in that deep place in prayer that was our safety net that we end up looking into the face of a counterfeit. A counterfeit is a cheap imitation of the real thing. It is not authentic, but it looks very much like the real thing. Often, we are staring into the face of a counterfeit because we did not allow ourselves to be fully processed resulting in trying to pray on top of hurt instead of being delivered from it. When we do not triumph over our infirmities our infirmities speak back to us through our circumstances and life. We are looking at our hurt through the people we connect with. In a million years we would not connect with some of the people we find ourselves connected to in our wounded state. But when we try to put a bandage on top of an open wound instead of getting it stitched up that’s exactly what will happen to us. We end up looking into the face of our hurt, abandonment, torment, and affliction in the connections we make.

A counterfeit will make you believe that God sent them and tell you that you are their good thing. But, of course, you are a good thing, but you’re not theirs. But because you are walking in a state of confusion and are not fully covered with your armor you are susceptible to the ole’ okey dokey. Bam, there you go right in the middle of the devil’s cesspool of foolishness. We’ve all been there and done that. Fell right into the trap and then wondered why or how we, us, the anointed prophet, pastor, evangelist, preacher, teacher, deaconess could have gotten so far off track and miss that devil that was staring us right in the face. But when we listen to our hurt instead of God we find ourselves in precarious positions. We find ourselves out of place. We find ourselves struggling to figure out how we allowed the enemy to pull us out of place.

The word tells us to draw nigh to God and he will draw nigh to us (James 4:8). Get out of yourself and your feelings and get on your face. While you waiting on God, he’s waiting on you to really get your heart back into prayer and get out of your feelings. Then it says to wash your hands and purify your hearts. So, you fell down, you missed it. Get up, get yourself together and lie before God and slap the devil back by worshipping God till your spirit is renewed, till your mind is clear, till your wounds are healed, and till your pain is gone. Like the old folks use to say I looked at my hands and they looked new, I looked at my feet and they did too! Stay there until your change comes. Till one day you get up and you realize you really are healed.  Wait for the time and season you can see with clarity and hear God tell you no and keep it moving. When you know your hurt is talking to, don’t try to date.  When you know your hurt is dictating your movements and thought patterns, don’t bring people into your space. Your hurt will draw what you don’t need and attach to you and keep you tied up in stuff you don’t need to be in.

If you’re in a place that you have to question God every time you meet somebody if he’s the one, then you’re not ready. God will show you just as plain as the nose on your face that he is or is NOT the one even if we are not trying to hear it. He still shows us. If you are not in a place where you can hear or even willing to listen then you’re not healed yet and it would behoove you to wait until you are.

Beloved believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God (I Jn 4:1a). Vulnerability is like an open wound and it puts us at a point of disadvantage. When your wound is open don't allow poison to come into your space and infect your spirit, cloud your judgement, and speak death to your purpose. Stay blessed!!

YOU'RE WORTH MORE THAN LESS

“I know that You can do everything, And that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You. Job (42:2 NKJV)

As I was talking to a friend of mine about life, we began to talk about being single and waiting on God. One of the things that stuck out in mind that she said was, "I would have to lower my standard if I ever wanted to get married again".  Really? Now, this disturbed me on so many levels because often that's what people will tell you.  Not because they are trying to down-grade you, but because so many women have the mentality that because there aren't as many options for Godly women as there are for men that our needs, desires, and purpose have to take a back seat just to enjoy the privilege of marriage.

It is true that men have a greater pool of "good women" to pull from.  They have more options.  But the bottom line becomes do you want options or do you want the one purposed for you? I could definitely say the same thing for men. That is why they are so patient and not willing to accept just anything. Along with the fact they have more options so it gives them the ability to wait for “THE ONE” to come along. They know they don’t have to settle. While, we struggle with this because we know “good” men are limited.  While this is true, we should still desire to have “THE ONE” and not just ANYONE. 

I began to think about the reality of what she said to me.  This is the reality...do I want to except less than what was promised and compromise who I am again for someone I shouldn't be connected to? The answer for me is definitely not! I certainly don't have an issue with being single spending more quality time in prayer and serving God right here, right now where I am. I would rather remain single and please God than to connect with someone who doesn't have a clue, understanding, or revelation about me, my God, and purpose. When someone aligns with you - your purpose and theirs is intertwined.  But when you connect with someone who doesn't have a clue it is a continued battle and struggle to be all God has purposed you to be.  So, I say again, I'm not struggling with the possibility of singledom, though I know that I will marry again.

The Lord knows who you are and what you need. It is not a struggle for him to provide it for you.  It's a matter of whether we are willing to wait on him to give us what we need, rather than looking into every face of every man trying to make him a husband.  I heard the man of God say on last week that every preacher that you see is NOT your husband.  Let's just get that revelation right there. It is a sad state that some women can't come to church to enjoy the word of God because their minds are so consumed with finding a man. The only reason why some women show up to the service is because of who is preaching and it's not because they want the word.  Come on somebody! Let's just keep it 100 today. Our focus should be turned to God.  If we cannot turn off the man-dar long enough to get a word from heaven then we need to spend more time on the altar and less idle time doing nothing. The absence of prayer is the normal culprit for when our mind wants to run amuck.

Of course, you know I did not receive that word that I was given about lower my standard, amen.  I will NOT allow my standard to fall down below what God has said.  Why should I be willing to accept less than God's plan for my life? If the Lord said it, he's going to surely bring it to past.  Then why would I be willing to dismiss everything God said just so I can lay next to thighs every night? Do not allow negative people to infiltrate your spirit and cloud your mind with words that are not God influenced.  Do not allow other people's insecurity to direct your life, decisions, or purpose. I want to encourage you today and speak loudly into your spirit, “Do not allow people to speak foolishness into your spirit.” 

Whoever you are and whatever purpose you have on your life, your mate will compliment that. You do not have to alter who you are to accommodate someone.  If you have to alter yourself, downgrade yourself in such a way that who you are is compromised I would question whether this is the will of God concerning you.  God does not align us with individuals who do not compliment who we are. He aligns us with individuals who can walk with us stride for stride. It will be someone who is the ying to your yang. It will be someone who is salt to your pepper. It will be someone who is Abraham to your Sarah. We want who God wants for us, not less than.  You, we are worth more and too much to take less than what was promised.

Your purpose cannot be withheld from you. Your destiny awaits you. It is coming because God said it is.  It is purposed because God said it is. It is his will because he said it is. It doesn’t matter what it looks like right now or what other people are saying. I don’t care if they say you’re too old or you missed God and should have married Billy Bob.  If the Lord said no then it was no and he said wait, then it wait until the appointed time. If he is not here yet, it's because he isn't ready yet. God has to do just a little more work on him to get him ready for you. You do not want the incomplete package do you? You want it when it's really ready for you and it's God's timing for you to have it.

Don't be so eager to jump in and take something that not only isn't ready, but is not even what he said! If he didn't say it, you do not want it! Trust me on that. You want to wait for the promise and don't accept the curse. Whatever isn’t' the promise will surely be a curse to you.  It will hinder you in every area of your life.  It will stifle you, your purpose, your destiny, and everything attached to you. You do not want this? Some of you have fallen behind messing with people who stifled your purpose. You have gotten side-tracked and emotionally damaged fooling with individuals who did not have the capacity to handle the anointing on your life. Don't allow your flesh to dictate your next move. Let your next move be God driven and not flesh driven! Amen.
 

YOU BEEN HOODWINKED!

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jer 29:11)

I know some of y'all are wondering what I'm talking about with this title, but I'm going to explain in a minute.  Some you all ever ordered something online, you know a dress, shoes, or some other item? You wait for it to arrive at the appointed time 3-7 days most of the time depending on your shipping preferences.  Well, when it finally arrives....it's not what you expected. You waited all that time to receive something but when you got it you found out it was not really what you wanted. Hummm, you kind of getting the picture now.

We make these list of preferences in our minds about what we want because we believe that's what we need to have to make us happy.  We have a height requirement, a color requirement, a look requirement, a monetary requirement, a job requirement, etc., so on and so on.  We have so many requirements that nobody could live up to our expectations.  Oh, lawd, do I find myself doing that so, so much!! We look for the wrong in people rather than looking for what's right in them.  I'm guilty again in this! We want them to commit before we've built a relationship because we've romanticized being in a relationship with them based on our lists of requirements.  We do not even know if that person is the person that we've imagined them to be.  We just want what and who we think they are in our heads. It's so funny watching women jump all over every single preacher on facebook and they don't even know these people! But our lists tell us go get yourself a preacher and be a firstlady.  Lol, it's so very sad that we have not realized yet that men do not respond to women who pursue them but those who are more focused and centered on the heart of God.

We are so busy chasing lists and not God chasers that we miss it so often and scare the men of God away.  Instead of laying on our faces as single women should and giving attention and time to the Lord we are so focused on finding a husband.  Hello somebody, I know I'm talking to somebody out there! I said we are chasing after this list of requirements we have in our head and not giving attention to prayer before the Lord.  Give your preferences to Jesus in prayer and stop probing trying to find every single guy out there in the church that's available. I believe the phrase they use in the world is "thirsty". We have evolved into women who once loved God more than anything to women who are willing to do just about anything to have a man in her life.  I've read status updates of women saying how lonely they are and all sort of madness.  Well, you just put yourself out there for the pimps and predators to run you down.  You do not want to do that. Stop it!!

Until you become satisfied with being God's firstlady you will never be anyone elses' first lady.  You must have your oil ready for the bridegroom when he comes.  You cannot do this if your focus is all over the place.  You are totally under prepared for what he has for you because you've already decided that his best is not what you want. You want what's on your list and your list may fall short of what God's best is for you.  The Lord knows and understands what you desire.  He said if you delight yourself in him he will give you the desires of your heart (Ps 37:4).  You can ask him what you will in the name of Jesus and he said he would give it to you (Jn 14:13-14).  However, when we ask, we must ask according to his will.  Well, what is his will concerning us, how about you ask him. If the Lord has specifically spoken things over your life and given your specific instructions then why do you plot out things that are against his will for your life? We chase things in life because of our own desires and not God's will for us. We have these preconceived ideals about what we want, what we need, and what we deserve.  How about having a revelation of what God wants, what God feels you need, and what God has said you deserve.

Sometimes, we sell ourselves short even in these lists that we've developed in our heads of what we think we want.  Oh, sure 6'4", 220 with a six pack, that prays all day, worshipper after God's own heart, handsome, with a million dollars is ideal for most women.  But what if God's plan is different than the picture you have in your head? What if God's plan for your life involves you doing foreign mission for 10 years, establishing a non-profit, saving children from captivity in a third world country? Then after all that he sends him.  The problem with so many of us is we are so centered on it happening right now rather than being ministry minded or God centered that we delay the hand of God concerning us. We delay his desire to fulfill the desires of our hearts.  The Lord knows what he has planned for your life.  Trust me, it's not something that you are going to have a problem with.  You are not going to mad at God for what he has in store for you. God doesn't want you to be unhappy, lonely, and depressed.  It doesn't want to put you with somebody who you're not attracted to or could never love. His plans for you are not to harm you or bring you down.  So, stop trying to invent your own outcome! Allow God to do this thing.  You're going to mess it up trying to put it together yourself.

We have been hoodwinked into thinking that what we think something looks like is what we need rather than waiting on God's instruction and timing. What you think you see may not be exactly what it is you need or want.  What you believe you need may not be what you actually need. When you open the package what you thought was in there may not be what you expected.  But we chase after things so often because of what it looks like.  It looks like a good place for me to be.  This looks like the person for me.  This looks like the life I wanna be in.  Everybody does not have the grace to walk in certain places in life.  That's why the bible tells us the poor will be with us always (Matt 26:11).  This means that everybody is not going to be rich.  Everybody is not going to sit in the high places.  There are some people who will sit in the pulpit and some who will stand at the door. Don't be so eager to put yourself up in places that God never told you you should be.  If you do not have the grace to walk in these areas then you do the kingdom of God a great disservice by trying to sit in a seat designed for someone else to sit in.

I'm trying to be as gentle as I can this morning, but I want to be clear today. Our desires have to line up with God's will and plan for us.  It is not to our benefit to desire things that are out of the will of God. I know the things that the Lord has told me concerning my life and understand who I am. Everybody needs to have that understanding.  This information will help you in life. To understand God's will for you you have to know who you are in the kingdom.  It behoves you not to intrude in areas that you do not have the grace or anointing to walk in. Align yourself with the will of God for your life and pursue the face of God.  Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these other things will added unto you (Matt 6:33).  I'm not saying hiding in your house, not by any means. What I'm saying to you is know and understand who you are, seek the wisdom of the Lord concerning you, stop seeking things that do not align with God's will for your life, and let the Lord be the central focus of your life.

When we realize our lists that we've created in our head do not align with God's will we must let them go and pursue the will of God for our lives. One thing that I desire of the Lord and that will I seek after that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life and inquire in his holy temple (Ps 27:4)! My lists is aligned with that word! That is my desire. We have got to love God more than what he can give us.  Abandon all of our preconceived thoughts and objectives and allow the voice of God to be our guide. There are so many things God wants to say and do in us but we limit his ability to perform those things when take him out of the loop in our lives.  Let's be eager to please him and go into prayer with a clean slate and allow God to speak some things to us concerning his plan.  How about we do that this week?

I expect that some things will be revealed that the Lord had desired to say prior to now.  Our inability to be open limits him to speaking things that he desires to say. So, let's go into prayer with our hearts open to receive from the Lord rather than with an agenda of our own. Yes, it's okay to tell God what you want, absolutely, but how about you allow God to tell you some things so you can be clear about what God wants to do in your life. Have a blessed day and week women of God! Let us press us on with patience and wait upon the Lord till his will is clear! Amen.

EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE......BEING TRANSPARENT

Wow, I said a mouth full just with the title alone.  Emotionally unavailable and being transparent. Are you or perhaps someone you might be dealing with in this place?  Sometimes people think they're ready for a relationship when actually they haven't fully brought their head out of the last thing that happened to them.  I will give examples of people who are in that place.  For example, people who don't want to talk about their past with you are folks who are either hiding, refuse to deal with their issues and responsibility they played in their past, or someone who is emotionally shut down.  Someone who diverts attention away from real issues is a perfect example as well.  All of these are red flags and reasons for you to run, far, far away in prada shoes.

A person who is emotionally immature will divert attention away from dealing with the real issues. This person will want to keep the relationship in a light unrealistic place.  This is a person who doesn't fully understand that life is not a fairy tale.  There are real life issues that come up and a mature person wants to learn and understand how to deal with them.  When you are going into a relationship with someone you want to know how that person handles pressure and what kind of decisions this person will make.  You don't want someone who's going to be a flight risk at the very moment conflict arises and issues come up that need to be dealt with!

Honestly, any rational person understands that this is not the real world.  Even for those of us in ministry as much as we would like to think that life never teaches us lessons and trials do not come that test our faith this is both unrealistic and not bibilical.  God said in this life we SHALL have tribulation (Jn 16:33). We understand that trials come to make us strong and the tribulations give us the ability to withstand more pressure because our patience increases resulting from the pressures of life (Rom 5:3).  It would be wonderful to be a cinderella book and live happily ever after without any hard places to deal with, but that ain't happening.  Guess what, even Cinderella had her issues to deal with.  God never promised us a life without struggle.  But he did say cast your cares upon me for I care for you (I Pet 5:7).  We can also come boldly to the throne of grace and obtain mercy in the time of trouble (Heb 4:16).  That alone tells me that I should anticipate that trouble WILL come.  But God! Amen!

So, let's get back to being emotionally immature and emotionally unavailable.  Being emotionally immature and unavailable is nearly the same thing.  There are in such close relationship that we will put them right there together.  What these two particular things are saying is I'm not fully checked in because it's bothersome to me to deal with a relationship on a real level.  I would rather play at having a relationship rather than take the time to build a real one.  I don't really want to do what it takes to build a relationship because I'm closed off.  That's what it's saying.  Let me be frank, you cannot build a relationship with someone who is closed off to letting you get to know who they really are.  That makes this person both emotionally unavailable and immature.  Reality tells us that a person who wants to build something will make the effort to expose who they are to you.  When a person is not mature emotionally he will not expose himself because he fears being hurt and has likely been emotionally battered in his past.  He will shut himself off emotionally for fear of being injured again.  Get this, some of them (men) don't even realize they are closed off.  They've been that way so long, they think it's normal.  When you try to dig to get to know them they resist by putting up a barrier of areas they don't want to discuss.

I'm saying this to help some of you who might be going through this.  I know some of you all don't want to hear this but you cannot be in a relationship with someone who is emotionally immature or emotionally unavailable.  They will drive you absolutely bananas. You will be left with no understanding of how things went left so quickly.  You will not be able to grasp why you can't have a real conversation.  You will want to discuss life and its possibilities and all they'll want to talk about is how cute you are. You will want to have serious conversations and they will check out as soon as you bring up anything that will give you a clue about who they really are.  Let me say this, you cannot love someone on the surface.  That's not real love.  That's fleshly love coming from a carnal place. A carnal christian will be centered on the physical aspect of you and reject the spiritual part. A man who is trying to keep you on this level will not allow you to dig deeper into who they really are. He fears knowing him on an intimate emotional level creates places of discomfort that he is unwilling to expose himself to.  Women being the more emotional being will seek to know a man on this communicative level, but when a man is not emotionally mature he will divert your attention away from every deep place and limit you in knowing him on that level.  Did you hear me? So, what I'm saying to you is do you have that kind of time to invest in someone who is emotionally cut off?

Honestly, it will take some work to get through those walls. I say that because in most cases this person doesn't have a clue that they have issues. It's funny to me that often people who think everyone else has issues are unwilling to see or recognize their own issues. I'm going to keep it really real right here, it takes someone who is confidently secure in who they are to handle a real Godly woman especially a woman who is in ministry. Ministry women have a responsibility to God to stay connected and be ready to pour out whenever he needs them too.  A weak man who doesn't know who he is will feel that he has to be competition with God for your attention. If he has unresolved emotional issues that is a prayer meeting, a bottle of oil, and denounciation service waiting to happen.  It may be that you could invest that time in helping him to a better place, but do you want to? As an agent of God, yes, but as far as for a relationship...umm probably not.  That is the question that you will need to ask yourself. There is no guarantee that even after you invest all of that time that he will be in a relationship ready place.  If I can reflect back on my emotionally damaged place I still struggle with trust on ocassion. It's not because I think everyone isn't trust worthy, but I believe when a person says they love you and that you can trust them with your heart they have a responsibility to show you that you can trust them with your heart. I can no longer run on blind faith when it comes to my emotionally well-being.  I put my confidence in God and not man. That's scripture (Ps 146:3).

Now to leave you with a word on today I say this.... look at your own self to see if YOU are emotionally available and see if you are emotionally mature enough to be open about who you are and where you've been.  We cannot expect people to accept that we don't want to talk about where we've been.  Even though where we've been may not reflect who we are right now, it does reflect who we are.  You get what I'm saying? Where we've been molds us into the person we are and explains some things about who we are.  Where we've been has taught us to be who we are right now. Sometimes we have to go back to go forward.  The reason why some of us don't want to go back is because we are ashamed of where we've come from and embarrassed by who we were.  But I thank God for my past because my past has taught me many things about who I am.  It's taught me patience, perserverence, not to stay down but to get up.  My past has taught me that I'm better than where I've been.  I don't have a problem with being transparent.  We do want the right person to know this about us.  You can't hide from who you are.  We certainly cannot expect someone to want to be in a relationship nor should we want to be in a relationship with someone who isn't transparent and willing to be forthright about who they are. Do we?

Hold on, be strong ladies and have a blessed weekend!

YOU'RE A DIAMOND

I absolutely have to blog about what I just heard on the prayer line! It blessed me so much I want to share it with all of you. The man of God was speaking specifically to us single gals and said something so profound and anointed. It's funny that he would say that since so, so many women for so long have settled into relationships because they desired to simply be in a relationship.  God did not necessarily give them the green light, but for so many it was better than being by themselves.  I've said it before myself; I'm tired of being alone.  There is no problem with us saying that, the problem comes in when we start making decisions based on our loneliness instead of being guided by the Holyghost.  When we decide that we can mold someone into the man we want and not take them at face value.

The man of God said on tonight "Don't be in a relationship with a man that's below your value".  That is so key.  When you are a precious jewel as God has made us to be as women of God, you have to consider yourself when someone comes along and wants to scoop you up. You were carefully selected by God as one of the bridesmaids of the master, a daughter of Zion, Gods' handmaiden.  As such, there is a man designed just for you whom God has hand selected to walk stride for stride with you in life.  Not just anybody! Not someone whom you have to groom, push along, pray up so they can stay up, put oil in their shoes, bring out all the prayer cloths, and dial 1-800-SAVE-A-MAN to get him to be the Godly man you know you deserve. Honestly, if you have to do all of that, he is not the one, was not the one, and will never be the one.  You are a precious stone and he is a rock.  How can a precious stone settle for a rock?  Why would an heiress go to the prison looking for love?

I'm saying this not to blow your heads up about who you are, but to let you know that you do not have to shovel up dirt to have what God wants for you.  Patience and time will get you what he has for you.  Don't settle for a stone because a stone is meant to weigh you down.  No matter how much you try to pull it up, if you wrap it around you, a stone sinks right to bottom every time.  When the stone goes down, so will you.  I often wondered why it was such a struggle in my past.  The struggle comes when you connect with someone who you were not designed to be with.  Not saying that that person is a bad person, it's just that that person was not meant to connect with you because with you he is a weight.  You are not on the same level.  You're a rare stone and he in comparison to who you are, well, there is no comparison. So, your status will seek to pull him up and at times God's favor rains because of you, but then the rock will bring you back down because no matter how you try to fix it, it's not you, not meant for you, and not supposed to be with you.

Sometimes in our eagerness we are so willing to settle for less than what we are, who we are, knowing full well who we are.  I'm the first to admit that I've done some foolishness in life and I'm sure I'm not done as long as I live in this skin I will likely do some more foolish things.  The things that I've learned from my foolishness has taught me that no matter how much I would like to say yes just for the sake of not being alone, this would only downgrade my classification. Save your yes' for only those who are your equal in the spirit.  Someone with spiritual maturity, emotional maturity, and financial stability are all acceptable levels of expectation for a daughter of Zion. It is not something that you should go into a relationship trying to build, hoping to change, and praying it will be alright or get better.  You don't have to downgrade who you are because you're alone.

I've heard people say, "Work with a brother". This is the world's mentality, not God's wisdom.  Please distinguish between the two.  You do not have to work with a brother until he brings himself up.  A mature man will have his stuff together before he seeks you out.  He will not be trying to get it together.  He will have all his ducks in a row.  If you have to buy the house, the car, and pay all of the bills....this clearly is not a man who is at the same value level as you.  You do not have to feel bad about this, nor do you have to underclass who you are for anyone.  This is what God has blessed you with.  You are who you are.  A man who has nothing to offer you should really wait until he is in a position to lead by example.  I know we have this reversal of values nowadays, but God's word has not changed.  It's the same today, yesterday, and forevermore.

So, while you are pondering things in your head about what to do with a relationship, whether to start a relationship, whether to move forward, or whether to get involved, etc. you might want to consider some of the things I've said.  As the man of God said tonight there are many women in this predicament.  There are a great cloud of witnesses out there that can attest to the fact that they busted a move they shouldn't have.  They got into a relationship with someone who was beneath their value and now they have struggled for years trying to help them up. They've been trying to do only what God can do, bring somebody up a level.  That will never happen for these ladies that walked into these relationships feeling like they would be the one to change this man and make this man into who they believe he could be.  They will be disappointed every time.  Because the bottom line is you can't change a rock into a diamond.  It's always going to be...a rock.

WHEN THE CRYING STOPS

I am pursuaded today to share on this wise, that we consider ourselves when we are interacting with other people on a personal level.  I say that because often, we are very selfish in our emotional thinking. It's all about how we feel, what we want, and what will make us feel better. We care little for the other persons feelings or emotions. We would like to care, but in the moment it is normally about us.  As women, we often wear our emotions so plainly and loudly for everyone to see.  We have difficulty bringing our emotions into subjection with honoring instructions given by the Holyspirit. We have trouble distinguishing between what we feel and what God is saying. We get a little cloudy on that level.  It'd not intentional, but it happens more often than not and even to the most spiritual among us.  Those that believe that the Lord dines at their table on a regular basis and he doesn't visit anybody else house but theirs.  Well, it happens with these individuals too.  We get caught up in the emotion.  But God does not want us to base how we behave, how we respond, and how we interact with people on how we feel, but he wants us to be lead by the Spirit. For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God (Rom 8:14).

Those who are led are his and know his voice.  John 10:27 says, "his sheep know his voice". I'm not saying that we don't know his voice.  I'm not saying that we are not connected or that we're not his sheep, but that we block.  We block with our tears, with our crying, with tantrums, we our fits.  We block God from giving us a word because we refuse to be women and revert to girls at leisure.  We block because we don't want to hear it. We block when we hear him just because. We block when he wants to give us wisdom on how to deal with people because it is more comfortable to do what we've always done instead of doing what he wants us to do.  Umm, that sounds so familiar to me. I believe I'll say amen.

The Holyspirit will never lead you contrary to God's word.  He is there to guide us and give us instruction.  In those times when we need to shut our mouths believe me he is telling us to shut up, but we refuse to do it simply because we would rather overrule and have our say.  I remember a time I was having a heated discussion with my former spouse and I was really young then and didn't really know when to shut up.  But as we were going back and forth I began to get more angry and just when I was at the boiling point something rose up in me.  I felt God cutting the spigot like you turn a faucet off in me.  In mid-sentence I stopped talking.  My former spouse didn't know what happened, but I sensed God in me shutting it down and cutting me off.  I shut up immediately.  I knew whatever it was I wanted to say was not important enough for me to continue with that conversation and it was going nowhere.  I learned from that day to listen a little more closely and not be so eager to say everything I thought I was big enough to say.

The Spirit of God is manifested through love and we know that the Spirit of God does not behave himself unseemly.  He is longsuffering, not puffed up, doesn't envy, does not provoke, thinks no evil, bears all, believes all, and endures all (I Cor 13:4-7).  He is sensitive to the voice of God.  So, when the crying stops and we come down from our moment of non-clarity it is at that time we need to fall back on who we really are, whose we really are, and whom we represent.  It is at that very moment that we should embrace the God in us and put our ear on the mouth of God to get clarity.  We were not created to be out of control and side tracked by foolishness, foolish behavior, and ungodly conversation.  God adopted us as sons through Christ Jesus to the praise of his glory (Eph 1:5-6). 

I've got mad love for my sisters but I have to keep it real, we really can act a fool.  It's like we don't even know when we have something good we do stupid things to mess it up for no reason.  If we do not learn to guard our tongues and be disciplined in our emotion we will never be able to have a lasting relationship with anyone.  Did you hear me?  Stop hearing so much stuff that's not being said or done. We create problems then elevate them to 100th degree out of the blue. When we stop crying about nothing and put some real prayer on ourselves (yes ourselves) so that God can take some of that bitterness, hurt, abandonment issues, insecurity, (the list goes on) out of us, we are NOT ready for any kind of relationship.  Your life does not begin with having someone in it anyway.  Your happiness is not going to come from having someone else in it. We are complete in HIM (Col 2:10).  The amplified says we have been brought to fullness.  Meaning, there was something lacking in us prior to but having received Christ we are no longer lacking, but have been made whole.  So, there are no parts of us that are missing because singleness. There is nothing lacking in us because we don't have a man. 

What am I saying? When the crying stops and when we stop doing us, we need to realize that if we do not start doing God we will never be the "woman" that God intends for us to be. There is a woman in there that God designed before the foundation that we should walk in to do what he purposed.  Our greatest enemy to our purpose is ourselves. We do not allow ourselves to be what God planned for us. We sabotage his works with our constant moments of non-clarity from tantrums. If we can get past the emotion and engage in the Spirit it will greatly benefit every area of our lives. I cannot say this enough. We often want to put so much focus on the "things" we do not have instead of focusing on what God put in us. Our first purpose is to be his daughters.  Set your effections on things above and all these other things will be added (Col 3:2). Guard your heart, bridle your tongue, listen to God and when HE speaks - then you talk......

LET GO OF THAT

I want to talk about soul ties today. Sometimes we do not realize that we have connected to someone in a way that has kept us locked in and not knowing that you under bondage. Anytime that you exchange bodily fluids you can develop a soul tie, although, sexual soul ties tend to run much deeper than other connections.  What I mean is that kissing does not connect you in the same way that sexual relations does.  You can kiss someone and feel a strong attraction and connection to them, but when you connect with them on a sexual level then those fluids are released into you and you become connected in a way that only married people should be tied. When you connect with someone in the flesh in is two-fold both spiritual and natural. This is why this particular connection attaches at a deeper level. It is because your body and your spirit craves to remain attached.  This can make it very difficult to walk away from relationships when you have crossed the line to that level as opposed to those that were only developed on one level. 

You can also develop soul ties on a spiritual level only.  When you are connected to someone on a spiritual level such as when someone prays for another individual.  You have a God connection to them.  Your heart is connected in a supernatural way and disconnecting can leave you damaged.  Much like when a spiritual Father/Mother aborts their child.  You mourn the lose deeply.

A small definition of a soul tie is it is like a linkage in the soul realm between two people. It links their souls together, which can bring fourth both beneficial results and negative results. For example the positive effects of a soul tie exist between man and wife.  Biblically a man and wife should connect in this way.  In a godly marriage, God links the two together and the Bible tells us that they become one flesh. As a result of them becoming one flesh, it binds them together and they will cleave onto one another in a unique way. The purpose of this cleaving is to build a very healthy, strong and close relationship between a man and a woman.

Matthew 19:5, "And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh."

Soul ties can also be found in close strong or close friendships. They are not just limited to marriage as I said earlier, as we can see with King David and Jonathan:

1 Samuel 18:1, "And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul."

The enemy can use soul ties to manipulate us and pull us into areas of sin that are weaknesses for us. These areas that God desires to deliver us from. It is often that we are weak because we are unaware oftentimes that we have left a door open for the enemy to use against us. The negative effects of soul ties can be seen in:

 Genesis 34:2-3, "And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her, and lay with her, and defiled her. And his soul cleaved unto Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the damsel, and spoke kindly unto the damsel."

The enemy developed a soul tie and gained an advantage over Shechem and caused not only him but Dinah to become defiled from the sexual sin between the two of them. This is why it is so common for a person to still have 'feelings' towards an ex-lover that they have no right to be attracted to in that way. Even 20 years down the road, a person may still think of their first lover... even if he or she is across the country and has their own family, all because of a soul tie!

Demonic spirits can also take advantage of ungodly soul ties, and use them to transfer spirits between one person to another. This can be accomplished either through bodily fluids or spiritual manipulation.  This is why it is crucial to be very careful who you link up with.  Your connections could render either positive or negative influence on you spiritually.  It could be detrimental to your spiritual well being.

We have to come to a place where we can “let go of that”. And know that it is indeed gone and we are free from it.  We must denounce some things from our past whether it is sexual sins, spiritual connections, and sometimes places that we have gone to that caused us to carry something away with us that caused us to stumble or keeps us in bondage.  For example, if every time you pass by Joe Willy’s Bar and Grill you want to go home and do things to yourself, you have to ask yourself where that’s coming from and petition God for answers. 

Sometimes we try to hold people in our spirit that really don’t care for us, never did, and we never should have allowed in our hearts from the beginning. We even try to hold on to people who have moved on in life with other people. The enemy will give you strong delusions regarding a relationship that is not there and cause you to stumble.  In some instances put you right in the middle of that persons relationship and cause him/her to stumble as well. I have been down this road.  I have given more of myself away that I should have and been left with nothing but a need to go through deliverance all over again! We cannot allow this spirit of manipulation to torment our minds and keep us polluted.

So I appeal to you today to search yourselves regarding soul ties. Anytime you date somebody for any extended period of time you’re emotions are getting intermingled with theirs and you become connected in a spiritual way.  As women we tend to give more away than we should and usually far sooner than wisdom dictates. We get emotionally attached early on and without knowing whether the other person has really committed to us in the same manner. The point being, is that getting connected so easily before knowing what God is saying to you regarding the relationship is not wise. I understand this because I have done this and lived to regret it. Dare I say, many times before.  Sometimes you would think that conventional wisdom would step forward and speak during those times.  In retrospect, it has, but the reality is that we normally overrule that and continue down the same road of destruction.  Again, I am guilty of this. I’ve done some really unwise things, made some poor choices, and it has always come back to bite me.  But because of my poor choices, I am able to share with you my experience and pray that you will be guided by the Holyspirit and not be lead by your own spirit.

Somehow the world has taught us that we need to take risk to be in a relationship and for love.  But I don’t find that anywhere in the scripture.  I know what you’re thinking; the rules of faith do not apply here my sisters.  If it’s God, it’s God.  If it’s not, it’s not.  That’s the bottom line.  He does not lead us to do foolish things and make unwise decisions for the sake of love.  I’m I clear here? The Lord establishes a thing first and not after.  In other words, God does not do the lottery when it comes to what he says.  Meaning, you do not have to buy a ticket and take a chance on winning.  God will put it together and there is no risk involved in what he puts together.  Is that more clear?

So, I’ll wrap it up today, but I really wanted to share a little about soul ties and how real they are. We should be careful to ask the Lord if who we want to allow in our space is who he wants in our space. Don’t be so eager to get caught up in a thing before you know its God. There are some lessons that you do not want to learn the hard way.

God bless my sisters and pray you have a blessed and prosperous day in Jesus!

NOT EASILY BROKEN

Okay women of God, it's been a minute since I blogged. I've had many things in the works. First, I've been working on me. I embraced some changes in my life that I just love and have really worked to my benefit. I revamped my diet to a vegan diet and God has truly helped me and given me wisdom on how to eat. As a result, I've shed 30 pounds over the course of 2 months.  I'm still going strong with the slim down! Praise God for that! I've also started working on my MBA and it has been tedious and tiresome, but God is able.  Lastly, I am purchasing a home and God has tremendously blessed in that. He's been abundantly good to me and I am truly grateful.

I do want to address some things with you on today and I pray that each and every one of you has been blessed, prosperous, and well.  I had been listening on a prayer line with an Apostle out of Houston, TX and he has been discussing why there are so many single women in the church. That's a very good and valid question.  I know the first thing that many of us will say is because there aren't many brothers in church.  Of course, that's the first thing.  There aren't many that's true, but there are quite a few that are single.  Sadly, many of us run them off from acting desperate.  Many people would like to make the women in the church entirely responsible for why we are single.  That is not entirely true either.  I personally would rather be single than to be married to someone who does not have the capacity to love and appreciate me for the woman that I am. If I had my drothers I will take curtain number one Alex rather than what many of us view as the prize "a husband". 

I've been giving some thought to this recently.  You know, how we view the ultimate prize as getting married.  Getting married is not the ultimate prize. It comes with responsibility and dealing with somebody else's hangups, insecurities, and issues as well as our own.  As much as we would like to think that everybody is delivered in church and that everyone "lived happily ever after", it doesn't work like that.  Happily ever after comes with work, giving a little, taking a little, being willing to understand someone else's weaknesses, pain, and drama.  It is not the rosie image that we see when we look at ministry posters of power couples planning a conference.  It's more to it than that. Of course, one would like to think that it is always a rollercoaster of fun times, adventure, and you never have to deal with any real issues. But that ain't life people.  Life is knowing how to pray, when to pray, when to close your mouth, and when to speak up.  Life is being willing to bend a little when your partner needs to vent.  It means being willing to compromise sometimes. It means loving and appreciating someone in spite of their shortcomings.  It means loving somebody past the pain and praying for them.  Now, that's real. 

We so easily let go because we live in a society that teaches us not to hang in there, but give up.  Don't waste time, because there is something better out there.  Nobody is really willing to put in the work, but would rather give up because it's easier to give up and more difficult to deal with the real issues. I'm not telling you this not to knock your dreams of getting married, but to encourage you to understand that relationships take work.  If it is not within you to do the work then perhaps being happily single is something you should embrace instead.  Because being happily married is a responsibility that should only be undertaken by "real women" who desire a lifelong committment, not little girls who just want to play house and need somebody to minister to their flesh.  Hear me in the spirit women of God.  As you walk closer to your destiny whether it be to remain as Paul or go into fellowship with the man that God has designed for you, know this, that you are responsible alone for your own character.  You decide what kind of woman you really want to be.  Whether you will be the woman who prays through a situation, learns to stand in adversity, learns to communicate effectively, or the woman who allows the world to dictate the outcome of her life and relationships.

Don't be a victim of society, but instead be a daughter of purpose and character. Embrace the God in you and work on you while you are single.  If you so desire to be yoked up at some point then you will have the capacity to withstand when the storms of life come to challenge your relationship.  Be strong in the Lord and power of his might ladies! I will be blogging more often as well.

LOVE EVEN IF IT HURTS PART 2

First I'd like to amend something I said yesterday. I said that we as emotionally abused women should find a way to get over it.  Well, personally I believe that it will always be a challenge for abuse victims to overcome those thoughts and flashbacks. So just to say find a way to get over it is not enough.  Being emotionally abused is very similar to physical abuse in that they both leave you with scars and bruises that you can heal from but as soon as the scars heal the thing and behavior that caused the abuse presents itself and immediately you remember what it felt like to be abused.  In other words, you react in a manner in which you are accustomed to or you flash back when someone displays certain behavior or attitudes that remind of you what you went through. You then put up your guard to protect yourself from what you view as your batterer. So, the scars heal, but what is left in your head and spirit still remains. It's like twitching when you know a lick is coming to the side of your face.  You know from past experience that's it's going to hurt and you anticipate it even though you hope it doesn't hurt or that you won't get hit.

The trouble with this is; is that men don't understand or think the way we do.  Women carry things deep in their spirit. When we are wounded being vulnerable to someone becomes very difficult. Even though we try to fight past that feeling of stick and move, we still have our right hand up to protect ourselves and other ready to jab.  We want to be open, but there's always that twitch or duck expecting a blow to be coming at some point.  It causes many women to live on the defensive and not be completely open to love. There's literally that feeling of always expecting something to happen and the defense mechanism is always there. That's the life of an abuse victim. Again, we said we do not want to be that, right? Victims expect the worse, but hope for the best.  That is pessimistic indeed.  But unfortunately, for those who have been through with men whose mission in life seemed to be to emotionally torment those he is closest too, this is a reality that many of us have faced.

Here’s the thing that I want to share with you about how we eventually overcome this cycle of being a victim and walking in fear.  We have to remember who we are when the fear rises up in our spirit and we begin to act out. We have to recall what Gods word says concerning fear. First off, God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind (2 Tim 1:7). We have the mind of Christ (I Cor 2:16). When the enemy begins to flash your past before your eyes and those thoughts begin to flood the mind we must present him with the word of God; II Cor. 10:5 tells us to cast down every imagination and every high thing that exalt itself against the knowledge of God and bring captive every thought to the obedience of Christ. We cannot stand in a state of fear of what might be when we have the authority to cause change to occur by simply speaking the word of God over our lives.  We have the ability to speak to the mountain and tell it to be removed and cast into the sea and so shall it be.  We know that when we pray that God hears us and because we know he hears us whatever we ask we can have (I Jn 5:15). We know that the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much (James 5:16). So when these thoughts come God has given us an escape and immediate relief for those who care to rely on his word for strength. In the time of trouble he will hide you (Ps 27:5)! We know that there is no peace in fear but when we cast down those thoughts, pray and keep our minds on him that is when peace will come and our love will be perfected. Though life may try to rear the head of your past up know that we have the victory over our pain through Christ Jesus.

I wanted to continue the conversation because for those of you who are still dealing with these symptoms, much like me, you might feel like nobody understands just where you are, how you are thinking, or can relate to you at all.  Well, that is not factual. There are so many women single, married, and divorced that have all experienced being emotionally abused and some even physical abuse. I share in both. I understand your pain and the places your head goes when your significant other doesn't do or say what you envision to be the norm. You have this image in your head of how you should be treated, how he should behave with you, and what you envision the relationship to be.  The trouble is, he doesn't share in the visions you have in your head.  Unless you communicate some of those things with him, he will never share in your thoughts, feelings, and emotions on what you expect from him. You cannot assume that he will know if you've never told him. I know I'm preaching today.  Trust me; I have made that mistake many, many, many times.

The thing I should have said was not to find a way to get over it, but find a way to deal with these feelings when they present.  Learning how to manage through prayer, Gods word and positive communication with these feelings of unrest will eventually help you get set free from fear and distrust.  The later part, communication can only be accomplished if you are willing to open up your mouth and express in a positive manner what you are feeling.  Allow him to minister to you and pray with you.  Work with your spouse, fiancé, or boyfriend.  That's, if he is willing to work with you on that level. A man who is truly in love will take that journey with you, but one who does not love you deeply will run for the hills. There's no way a man who isn't really in love can deal with that level of communication. This level requires him to be sensitive to the Holyghost which will make him sensitive to what you need.  His actions will make you feel secure and safe with him.  Let's face it; it is all about us feeling secure and safe.  Isn't it a man's responsibility to protect us and make us feel this way? Absolutely! When a man can give that to you, then you will begin to feel secure enough to let down your guard and not walk in fear with him. But it takes a real man for this to happen. It takes a man who really loves God enough to consult him on how to handle you.

I use to expect men to know what I was thinking and understand what is in my head. I'm still struggling with that.  It is not to our benefit to make that mistake because it will cost you more than you might be willing to pay. It could costs you a good relationship. Additionally, we cannot make that mistake because a man is never going to understand what’s in our heads, it is not logical and it’s never going to happen. We have to be sensible in the fact that men simply do not think like us.  The blueprint of their minds has a different sketch on it. When we assume, we confuse them.  They don't know where we are coming from. When we take time to explain and communicate what's in our head instead of expecting them to know, then we will get a better response. Again, I say only for the right man. Because the wrong one is going to be out the door so quick!  He simply does not want to know us on that level.

Well, our time for today has come to an end. God bless beloveds’ and I pray you were blessed by this as much as it has blessed me. I've learned so much from God sharing this with me.  Trust me, I am a handful!  Share with your sisters. This year is going to be fabulous, some of us will be getting engaged, some getting married and some of us will remain happily single.  Whatever the case, we will blessed!

LOVE EVEN IF IT HURTS

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. (I Jn 4:18)


So here we are in a New Year.... 2013. Happy New Year by the way! I enter this New Year with many goals and transitions. I knew going in that there would be many changes in my life, changes I would be making and changes that would just occur. I am excited about this year and all that is ahead for me. I can't help but think back on where I was just two years ago. I was a broken woman with many hurts and bruises.  I had been literally battered emotionally and I felt that I simply did not know where or if I could find my way out of the place in my heart and spirit that I was.

I admit that it has been challenging to say the least. There are many things that continue to be a challenge for me.  Though I try very hard to get past them, there are still fragments of the damage that was done to me.  I'm sure some of you find yourself in that place.  Me, having come from a place of child-like trust to a place where I take a second look and glance at all motives and actions, it's really hard to know why it just doesn't go away.

I think that once you have been battered, even though the scars heal there is always going to be that place in your head that recalls the beating.  Although the battering was done by someone else you can't quite get out of your head if you need to duck or not.  You get my meaning? So, I struggle with that.  Although, my heart is wide open to be loved and to love there is always that place in my head that recalls the beating. Well, ladies as tough as this is for us, men don't understand this part of us.  It doesn't matter if you try to explain it, reiterate it, or draw a picture.  They do not want us to hold them accountable for what someone else did to us and for good reason.  They really don't deserve to take the butt of someone else's brutality on our emotional state. 

As hard as it is for us to work our way through the flashbacks of abuse, we have to find a way to do it, if we are to ever have a healthy and lasting relationship.  Now, I admit that I am so guilty of the flashback moments of distrust. I absolutely have no reason to doubt, but it is really my own insecurities that put me in that place. So dealing with really where the insecurity is coming from is the issue and not the person that you may be dealing with.  Our insecurities about whether we can trust this person with our heart, whether they will deal with us in like manner that someone else did, whether we can really open up and let someone in and make ourselves vulnerable to being hurt.  Honestly, if we are unwilling to become vulnerable, we will never really be able to love without fear.  The word tells us in I Jn 4:18 that perfect love casts out all fear. Additionally, fear has everything to do with punishment. Did you hear that? We are punishing the wrong person for mistakes another person made. So when our love is not perfected we walk in fear.  Well you ask, how can our love be perfected if we are afraid? You have to let it go. You have to allow God to do surgery on your heart and not only remove the visible bruises, but the invisible internal bruises. Because when we don't do that we will continue to punish other people for what somebody else did to us.

When love is perfected in us, the fear will go. Because with perfected love comes peace.  When we always view ourselves as a victim we live in constant fear. When we see ourselves as a victim, our mentality is that everybody is a batterer.  But everybody isn't a batterer. A victim mentality tells us that we are being victimized when we're not. So, we will keep fighting when we don't need to fight. I'm preaching to myself today because I need to hear all of this.  A victim doesn't know when it's time to put the flag up and surrender because all she knows is if she doesn't protect herself she will end up like she was in the past. But everybody doesn't want to tear us down, beat us up emotionally, and make us feel less than who we are.  If we treat people like they want to injure us eventually we will draw that spirit to us and the enemy will have his way in our lives.

So when the right one comes along, its more about how you view yourself and less about how he views you. I want you to evaluate your hearts and where you are.  Sometimes we don't know what's in us till someone points it out. I thought I was done tripping over being hurt, but being called out on that made me realize what I was doing. I definitely do not want to be the one to wreck an awesome relationship over absolutely nothing.  Do you? We need to find a way to cope with our insecurities about the past without accusing, without assuming, without making someone else responsible for the hurt we endured at someone else's hands. I will be talking about this in more detail....stay tuned!

As always ladies......have a blessed day and have blessed week!