A person who is emotionally immature will divert attention away from dealing with the real issues. This person will want to keep the relationship in a light unrealistic place. This is a person who doesn't fully understand that life is not a fairy tale. There are real life issues that come up and a mature person wants to learn and understand how to deal with them. When you are going into a relationship with someone you want to know how that person handles pressure and what kind of decisions this person will make. You don't want someone who's going to be a flight risk at the very moment conflict arises and issues come up that need to be dealt with!
Honestly, any rational person understands that this is not the real world. Even for those of us in ministry as much as we would like to think that life never teaches us lessons and trials do not come that test our faith this is both unrealistic and not bibilical. God said in this life we SHALL have tribulation (Jn 16:33). We understand that trials come to make us strong and the tribulations give us the ability to withstand more pressure because our patience increases resulting from the pressures of life (Rom 5:3). It would be wonderful to be a cinderella book and live happily ever after without any hard places to deal with, but that ain't happening. Guess what, even Cinderella had her issues to deal with. God never promised us a life without struggle. But he did say cast your cares upon me for I care for you (I Pet 5:7). We can also come boldly to the throne of grace and obtain mercy in the time of trouble (Heb 4:16). That alone tells me that I should anticipate that trouble WILL come. But God! Amen!
So, let's get back to being emotionally immature and emotionally unavailable. Being emotionally immature and unavailable is nearly the same thing. There are in such close relationship that we will put them right there together. What these two particular things are saying is I'm not fully checked in because it's bothersome to me to deal with a relationship on a real level. I would rather play at having a relationship rather than take the time to build a real one. I don't really want to do what it takes to build a relationship because I'm closed off. That's what it's saying. Let me be frank, you cannot build a relationship with someone who is closed off to letting you get to know who they really are. That makes this person both emotionally unavailable and immature. Reality tells us that a person who wants to build something will make the effort to expose who they are to you. When a person is not mature emotionally he will not expose himself because he fears being hurt and has likely been emotionally battered in his past. He will shut himself off emotionally for fear of being injured again. Get this, some of them (men) don't even realize they are closed off. They've been that way so long, they think it's normal. When you try to dig to get to know them they resist by putting up a barrier of areas they don't want to discuss.
I'm saying this to help some of you who might be going through this. I know some of you all don't want to hear this but you cannot be in a relationship with someone who is emotionally immature or emotionally unavailable. They will drive you absolutely bananas. You will be left with no understanding of how things went left so quickly. You will not be able to grasp why you can't have a real conversation. You will want to discuss life and its possibilities and all they'll want to talk about is how cute you are. You will want to have serious conversations and they will check out as soon as you bring up anything that will give you a clue about who they really are. Let me say this, you cannot love someone on the surface. That's not real love. That's fleshly love coming from a carnal place. A carnal christian will be centered on the physical aspect of you and reject the spiritual part. A man who is trying to keep you on this level will not allow you to dig deeper into who they really are. He fears knowing him on an intimate emotional level creates places of discomfort that he is unwilling to expose himself to. Women being the more emotional being will seek to know a man on this communicative level, but when a man is not emotionally mature he will divert your attention away from every deep place and limit you in knowing him on that level. Did you hear me? So, what I'm saying to you is do you have that kind of time to invest in someone who is emotionally cut off?
Honestly, it will take some work to get through those walls. I say that because in most cases this person doesn't have a clue that they have issues. It's funny to me that often people who think everyone else has issues are unwilling to see or recognize their own issues. I'm going to keep it really real right here, it takes someone who is confidently secure in who they are to handle a real Godly woman especially a woman who is in ministry. Ministry women have a responsibility to God to stay connected and be ready to pour out whenever he needs them too. A weak man who doesn't know who he is will feel that he has to be competition with God for your attention. If he has unresolved emotional issues that is a prayer meeting, a bottle of oil, and denounciation service waiting to happen. It may be that you could invest that time in helping him to a better place, but do you want to? As an agent of God, yes, but as far as for a relationship...umm probably not. That is the question that you will need to ask yourself. There is no guarantee that even after you invest all of that time that he will be in a relationship ready place. If I can reflect back on my emotionally damaged place I still struggle with trust on ocassion. It's not because I think everyone isn't trust worthy, but I believe when a person says they love you and that you can trust them with your heart they have a responsibility to show you that you can trust them with your heart. I can no longer run on blind faith when it comes to my emotionally well-being. I put my confidence in God and not man. That's scripture (Ps 146:3).
Now to leave you with a word on today I say this.... look at your own self to see if YOU are emotionally available and see if you are emotionally mature enough to be open about who you are and where you've been. We cannot expect people to accept that we don't want to talk about where we've been. Even though where we've been may not reflect who we are right now, it does reflect who we are. You get what I'm saying? Where we've been molds us into the person we are and explains some things about who we are. Where we've been has taught us to be who we are right now. Sometimes we have to go back to go forward. The reason why some of us don't want to go back is because we are ashamed of where we've come from and embarrassed by who we were. But I thank God for my past because my past has taught me many things about who I am. It's taught me patience, perserverence, not to stay down but to get up. My past has taught me that I'm better than where I've been. I don't have a problem with being transparent. We do want the right person to know this about us. You can't hide from who you are. We certainly cannot expect someone to want to be in a relationship nor should we want to be in a relationship with someone who isn't transparent and willing to be forthright about who they are. Do we?
Hold on, be strong ladies and have a blessed weekend!
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