Do you ever wonder how an abused person can keep going back into the same situation over and over again? I use to wonder that myself. People stay in relationships for many reasons. They go back for various reasons as well. Certainly, there are never good enough to justify staying in a relationship that harmful. Sometimes people haven't a clue that they are even in an abusive relationship. If you're not being hit, then you're not being abused, right? But there are different types of abusers.
Your personality type and your background dictate much about what you allow in your life. Sometimes your personality draws the wrong people into your life over and over again. We are really dating the same person, but they just have a different exterior. It is because we have not dealt with some things within ourselves that we draw the same spirit over and over again. Because it is a spirit. A spirit of manipulation and control. A witchcraft spirit that wants to influence and torment our lives. When we think of witchcraft often, we think of someone that is just pure evil. A controlling spirit operates sometimes subtle at first. It works its way through your relationship until you are doing and saying everything the other person wants us to do. We were active in our church, now we're not. We use to hang with friends, now we don't. We don't even go around our own family now, just his family. You get my meaning?
This spirit takes many forms. This abusive behavior. Our insecurities about ourselves will feed into an abusers power and give him complete authority over our lives. Sometimes we don't even know we have an abuser drawing personality. But the truth of the matter is if a person has ever been abandoned, rejected, and tramautized emotionally, there may be a door open to falling prey to this spirit. You see, abusers don't necessarily have to hit you to be an abusive. Emotional and mental abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse. The only difference is, it takes longer to see the physical affects of emotional abuse. Eventually emotional abuse will cause physical changes, but physical abuse causes immediate changes.
A controlling person who constantly changes the rules of a relationship to suit his own personal needs without considering the other person is a form of manipulation and abuse. What is once acceptable is no longer acceptable because somewhere within the relationship that person decided that they wanted to do something different, but they didn't ask or consider the other's opinion or feelings about it, they only began to judge you, criticize, and torment the other person until the will of that person was broken into doing what the abuser wanted.
I know I'm going a little deep today. One of the things that I have learned is that you have to know what happened so you can correct some things so in the future you will not continue to make the same mistakes. In some relationships you will never know what happened. For those busters that just ended the relationship and say stupid things like, it's not you, it's me. You will never know what happened in that, but you can try to examine your choice and what you did in the relationship that might have lead to that conversation. I know what I did in my past relationships. It's not easy looking at yourself because we always want to blame the other person entirely for what went wrong. The reality is, that it takes two to make something work. No one person is the blame for a relationship going wrong. Don't you dare allow someone to tell you that you are entirely responsible for a relationship going wrong. It's simply not true.
We allow an abuser to be who they are in the relationship and give them power to manipulate us, use us, and control our lives. How are we not contributing to that? The truth is that we contribute to this behavior by allowing it. But today I want to say to each of you that despite what anyone has done or said to tear you down, you have the power to overcome. We are more than conquerors in Christ Jesus. Greater is he that is in us than he that is in the world. Christ has given us liberty and we must take possession of that liberty. We have to own it. It's not something that someone can rescue us from. A person can be put into a protective shelter but the mentality that landed them there must be dealt with or they will continue to fall prey to the same type of behavior. Because the behavior is not just the abuser, but it is the person who is also being abused. Because being removed from one situation and not owning the responsibility that one played in it, will cause us to walk right into the same type situation again. We have to own it and take possession of our liberty. We have to know that we have a responsibilitiy in how people treat us.
You have to say it is my freedom because God has given it to me. If behavior does not line up with how God says you should be treated, then you are under no obligation to remain in a situation that causes you to live beneath who God says you are. You under no obligation allow the enemy to torment you for the sake of having someone in your life. Do not let lonliness be the reason for allowing manipulation to rule in your life. You have to know who you are. You have to know whose you are. You have to not only know it, but demand that others respect it.
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