CAN I OR CAN'T I?

I used to be one of those women who was very vocal about women who said they would never date or marry someone with children.  I told one sister she was selfish and that she expected someone to accept and raise her child but she was unwilling to do the same. 

Well, my friends having lived through a marriage with a great many conflicts surrounding both children and many other areas, I had to reevaluate my position on that.  Honestly, there is more to it than whether you have enough love in your heart to share.  That was my only consideration initially.  I knew I loved children, I knew I had the capacity to mother them and treat them well.  I did not consider all of the other things that come along with it at the time.  There is so much more than you just loving them. 

You know you can love them.  What you don't know if they will love you.  You don't know if you have the patience and long suffering to accept that they may never love you but you still have to love them and treat them well while they're living in your house.  That's a hard pill to swallow.  Then you have to factor in the other out-side parent who may or may not give you grief, interfer, and dilberately set out to cause conflict and drama in your household.  Of course, you may or may not have finances leaving your house as well for child support.  Those are all things that could happen, more often than not, do happen within a mixed family environment.

I can certainly speak from experience and say, that it is much easier to believe happily ever after, than it is to live it.  You have to know the kind of man that you're dealing with.  That will make a major difference in your decision to pursue a relationship with a man who has children or not.  If its the kind of man who likes to throw responsibility off on others and checks out, that is definitely not someone who you could make a successful union with.  You will find yourself without support and quickly becoming the resented step-parent.  Or as some refer, "the wicked step-mother". 

Really, this is an individual thing for you to decide if it's something that you can or cannot do.  People are having children later in life now and you might find that people in their 40s and even 50s have small children.  It further limits the possibility of connections of those who might not be open to dating or marrying someone with small children.  Whatever your decision in what is best for you make sure you know what you're going to be dealing with.  You do not want surprises down the road. Ensure you know the kind of man you are dealing with, his character, whether he's praying man with Godly values.  Having the same beliefs in how you raise children will and can make or break a relationship.

Don't think that you will be happy with Daddy and reject the children.  That is not going happen.  It's a package deal.  You cannot say you love someone but do not love what has been birthed out of them.  The children are a part of the person you say you love, then you will love them even if you don't like their ways.  If you don't think that's possible, then perhaps you should rethink your position on whether you can and switch teams to the "I can't".